To Best Love One Another
by miss mcGonagle
Summary: Bill struggles to reconcile his feelings with the reality of Lee and Kara’s relationship. LeeKara and BillLaura with slight spoilers for all aired episodes.


**A/N: This was initially supposed to be a "Five Times" fic, but it didn't turn out that way because it actually follows a common narrative. So it's more of a story in five parts, the last section being (chronologically) out of order simply so the fic will end on a lighter note!**

*****

Rumors were flying about his son and Kara Thrace and had been for some time, but now Bill was starting to believe them. Everything he had been trying not to see had become too much for even the man who had mastered the art of avoidance. Ever the faithful friend, Saul Tigh was there with a bottle of ambrosia and a sympathetic ear even though he had been the one to provide the final evidence of Lee and Kara's affair.

"Damn it Saul, she was engaged to his brother!"

This was hardly the crux of the issue, but Bill felt he had to start somewhere.

"What's really bothering you Bill?" Saul asked, deciding it was time to stop holding his friend's hand and start asking the tough questions. "That she was with Zack or the fact that this is like watching your own marriage all over again?"

Bill said nothing.

"Admit it," Saul continued. "Starbuck was the connection to Zack for both of you, but that's changed and now you and that damn fool son of yours both care about her because of who she _is_, not because of who she was with before. So it doesn't really matter that she used to be in love with Zack, now does it?"

Still trying to avoid that line of thought, Bill changed the subject.

"Dee's a good woman."

Saul snorted at his friend's stubbornness.

"Yes she is, and she doesn't deserve this," he responded. "But that's no answer to my question."

"I don't have one," Bill replied honestly.

Saul nodded and didn't press him further. That was answer enough.

*****

Bill had known it would not be a wise idea to meet with Lee so soon after Kara's death. But Lee was the only child he had left, and Bill wanted him close so he took a chance.

After a few drinks Bill's conciliatory words began to sound patronizing, and Lee's thin patience evaporated.

"The great Admiral Adama is not the only one to suffer from Kara's death," he ground out bitterly. "This didn't just happen to _you_."

"I know what Kara meant to you," Bill responded automatically, speaking just to drown out the anger in his son's voice.

"You have no idea," Lee retorted. "No idea at all. You sit here and drown your sorrows in that glass and think that you're the only person in the universe to suffer. Well you're not. And you can't possibly know what she meant to me because I took risks to be with the woman I loved. Risks you're too afraid to take."

"The woman you loved?" Bill knew he was about to take a cheap shot out of anger, but he was drunk and grieving and his son's words were hitting a little too close to the truth. "Or the woman you were frakking?"

Bill wasn't sure who threw the glass of ambrosia against the wall, but when his son stormed out moments later it was in pieces on the floor.

*****

Bill was very grateful his anniversary had passed and that he no longer had to deal with the presence of his ex-wife inside his mind. His own tortured thoughts were enough.

He was starting to feel as if he and his son were living parallel lives. Dee had just demanded a divorce, and though Laura had finally accepted his offer of a bed for the duration of her treatments, she had quite definitively put some distance between them. All thanks to Gaius Baltar and that damned trial.

But Bill knew it wasn't just what had happened during the trial, at least not in his son's case. Dee wasn't a stupid woman, and she had seen quicker than Bill that Lee's heart lay elsewhere and had from the very beginning.

Had Carolanne seen that too? Had she understood from the start that flying had been his first passion and that being married to her would hardly be a deterrent to the love he felt for his career? Probably.

From his spot on the couch Bill could hear Laura in the head as she prepared for bed. Things were changing between them; yet there was no way to tell if these changes would bring them together or pull them apart. Watching his son's marriage dissolve was a brutal reminder of how he himself had failed years earlier.

Laura paused by the couch to murmur a good night; Bill nodded in response and watched her slip into bed with regret. He couldn't risk making the same mistakes again.

*****

Bill was sick of losing the ones he loved. And even though he knew Laura would be mad as hell, he sent Kara off with a ship anyway. He hoped it would be enough to keep them both.

But now sitting alone in his quarters he took another sip of ambrosia and stared down at his wedding ring. Laura had never asked why he still wore it, though he knew she'd come awfully close a few times. In truth his reasons had changed over the years, but now it was serving one of its initial purposes; the simple golden band surrounded his finger as a reminder of all the reasons why he had to stay away from Laura, away from another serious relationship. He had made too many mistakes, hurt too many people, and now he was watching the result of his influence in the dissolution of his son's marriage.

And now she was back. Kara Thrace, the daughter he'd loved upon meeting just as he'd loved his sons the first time he held their tiny forms in his arms. For Bill, Lee and Kara were both his children and the thought that they had once pursued a sexual and romantic relationship was a kick in the gut. But as he sat alone, Bill knew that none of the perceived barriers he had created in their lives or his would matter if he could only have the three people he loved best surrounding him, happy and healthy and whole.

*****

Bill was stoned, drunk, and content as he lay beside the most beautiful woman on the planet. The loud voices of the revelers heard from a distance meant very little to him because tonight, for the first time in a long time, he was at peace with the universe.

"My name is Lee Adama, and I love Kara Thrace!"

Bill was not far from sleep and needed a few moments to make sense of what he'd just heard. At his side, Laura giggled and snuggled closer.

"Sounds like they've been having a little fun," she commented, her voice still thick from the herbs they'd been sharing earlier.

In a more cognizant state, he might have given his son's declaration a bit more thought but Bill was as far from cognizant as one could get. So instead, he grunted in agreement to Laura's statement and rubbed a hand along her back. His last thought before slipping into a deep sleep was a regret that he was too old and stoned to declare his happiness to the world as well.


End file.
